The Reagan administration here in
the United States at the time was certainly setting up a trend toward
conservative extremism and deregulation, but it never really managed to find a
way to legally bury movies it didn’t like. The United Kingdom bears that
dubious badge of dishonor. Violence, drugs, and above all sex were the targets
of this heinous censorship.
The effort was also famously bungled,
with police raiding video stores and seizing movies at random that they
believed violated the new law – including a now notorious slip-up in which they
confiscated copies of the Dolly Parton musical The Best Little Whorehouse in
Texas (1982). Such a debacle underscores just how ludicrous the whole
affair really was. While some of the films banned or censored do contain
content that could be considered extreme, most leave modern audiences weaned on
the likes of The Walking Dead on modern television wondering what could
have possible pissed off the baby-brained alt-right loonies so much.
Many of these “arrested” films – termed video
nasties – are now well-known to genre fans. Cannibal Holocaust (1980),
Zombie (1979), The Beyond (1981), and even The Evil Dead
(1981) are just a few titles that are practically household staples these
days. However, a great portion of these banned pictures remain hard to see,
even in the US, due to their presence on the nasties list. In light of a new,
rising push by right-wing extremists in America to censor and even outright ban
books, films, and curriculums from schools and control what you can and can’t
see… perhaps there is no better time to highlight some of these films that
suffered the weight of fascist policy, along with a rating do determine how “nasty”
each flick is, and whether or not it really belongs on the infamous list.
Without further ado I present…
10
Lesser-Known Video Nasties!
10)
Evilspeak (1981) dir. Eric Weston
Clint Howard, brother of director/actor
Ron Howard and recognizable from dozens of horror films and literally every
series of Star Trek, stars as a bullied cadet at a military school who
discovers that he can get revenge against his tormentors by… programming a
computer with the knowledge of a satanic book? Whatever. The point is, this
movie is wacky and the kills are pretty damn entertaining, with no shortage of
the red stuff. It’s not a masterpiece, but it holds your attention and Howard
gives an expectedly great performance.
Nasty
Rating: 4/10
devil computers “Not that Nasty” A great horror flick, but nothing extreme.
9)
Night of the Bloody Apes (1969) dir. René Cardona Sr.
René Cardona Jr. is a mexploitation
hero, and his films include Tintorera: Tiger Shark (1977) and Guyana:
Cult of the Damned (1979). His father, René Cardona Sr. directed this
movie. And others, I guess. But none of them included actual footage of a real
heart transplant. And none of them included a man with a gorilla heart
transplanted in him that slowly turns him into an ape-man who runs around killing
dudes and trying to sex their lady friends. Mexican exploitation films are
great, is what I’m saying.
Nasty
Rating: 6/10
open monkey heart surgeries “Kinda Nasty actually” Not well-made, but damn…
8)
Gestapo’s Last Orgy (1977) dir. Cesare Canevari
Gerbils. Plus, some of the most tasteless
scenes in all of nazisploitation. Also titled Caligula Reincarnated as
Hitler, this little exploitation remake of The Night Porter (1974)
focuses on the somewhat complicated relationship between a concentration camp
survivor and her former nazi commandant. So, nasty stuff to be sure. Plenty of
shocking scenes to tickle your tasteless buds. But the one in which she is strung up above a
bunch of hungry rats (that are actually gerbils) is probably what you’ll
remember.
Nasty
Rating: 9/10
backwards swastikas “Das ist Nasty, mein Fuhrer” Yeah, this one is kinda understandable.
7)
The Ghastly Ones (1968) dir. Andy Milligan
Andy Milligan is the filmmaker that
everyone loves to hate, but also still loves? He’s kinda like Herschell Gordon
Lewis, except Lewis’ films are at least recognizable as… well, films. Milligan
was a passionate, gay, and perpetually drunk genius. The Ghastly Ones is
perhaps his most well-known work, but that doesn’t mean it makes sense or is in
any way competent. That being said, it’s still quite fun somehow… It’s a typical
setup regarding an old mansion, siblings squabbling over an inheritance, and
someone killing them one by one. Maybe not particularly nasty (though it could
be if anyone involved had talent), but Milligan’s style of hysterics and bottom-barrel
melodrama is oddly – if not perversely – engaging.
Nasty
Rating: 5/10
uncentered frames “Flamboyantly Nasty-ish” Bong not required, but recommended
6)
The Slayer (1982) dir. J.S. Cardone
This slasher had a dream demon and
was released two years before one, two, Freddy Krueger came for you. It’s
a small cast, only four main characters, and focuses on this motley group
vacationing on an island where they get very dead, very
gruesomely. It’s well-paced, well-acted, and the kills are nice and splattery.
What more could you want? Okay, it’s not as nasty as a lot of others, and if
this made the nasty list, then Friday the 13th (1980) should
have qualified. But we know the whole legislation was bullshit anyway, and here
it is. It’s spooky, and a slasher that belongs on your shelf.
Nasty
Rating: 3/10
latex demon masks “Nasty in your dreams maybe” Good movie, not particularly
shocking.
5)
The Toolbox Murders (1977) dir. Dennis Donnelly
Hammer? Check. Nail Gun? Check.
Screwdriver? Check. Incest, Star Trek child actors, homoerotic crime
scene clean-up, and Cameron Mitchell? CHECK. A killer in a ski mask is cracking
open his toolbox and using the contents therein to murder women in an apartment
complex. There’s some nonsense about religious mania, and the cops seem weirdly
willing to let the local teens solve the murders themselves. Outside that, this
is mostly an excuse for blood, boobs, and biblical babbling. Can’t recommend it
highly enough, is what I’m saying.
Nasty
Rating: 8/10
handyman maniacs “Blue-collar Nasty” Don’t miss this one.
4)
Nightmares in a Damaged Brain (1981) dir. Romano Scavolini
Tom Savini did the gore effects for
this, and then proceeded to deny it for the next forty years. Scuzzy, sleazy,
lemon-squeezy… this slice ‘n’ dice extravaganza doesn’t have much of a plot
outside a lunatic escaping from the hospital and slaughtering people doing the
nasty on his way to find his family in Florida. So… the original “Florida Man”
story. Truth be told, you’ll need a shower after this. So grab your Old Spice
shower gel and sparkly loofah, and go to town; because if you like your horror positively
slathered in blood and weird sex, this is for you, you filthy animal.
Nasty
Rating: 10/10
decapitated step-mothers “Nasty-licious” If anything should qualify as a video
nasty, it’s this movie.
3)
Dead & Buried (1981) dir. Gary Sherman
Here’s one that manages to be both jarring,
spooky, and legitimately excellent. Written by Dan O’Bannon of Alien (1979)
fame, it centers on the quaint seaside town of Potter’s Bluff. Here, the locals
like to murder passersby who then turn up alive and well, having joined the
homicidal mob. It’s honestly so good, I don’t really want to spoil anything.
Just know that the kills are not of the typical “single stab with a knife” variety
and are kinda wince-inducing. Also, the atmosphere is par excellence.
Nasty
Rating: 7/10
skin grafts “Sorta Nasty, more spooky” An essential horror film, but not quite
the nastiest.
2)
Don’t Go in the House (1979) dir. Joseph Ellison
Taxi Driver (1976) but make
Robert De Niro a serial killer who torches women to death with a flamethrower.
That’s all this is. And yet, it’s brilliant. Dan Grimaldi is better known for
his roles in The Sopranos, but here he turns in an excellent performance
as an even-more-fucked-up Norman Bates who descends into madness after the
death of his sadistic mother. Tackling themes such as child abuse and
isolation, this is about as nasty as it gets. Unlike other champs on this list
though, it’s both nasty and a great flick.
Nasty
Rating: 9/10
incinerated blondes “Flaming Nasty” Highly recommended for those with strong
stomachs or pyromania
1)
Night of the Demon (1980) dir. James C. Wasson
The ultimate bigfoot movie. The opening
scene features a fisherman getting his arm ripped out if its socket
wookie-style and the spurting blood filling a sasquatch footprint before the
main title jumps onscreen. After that we get inter-species copulation, religious
insanity, and a biker getting his dick ripped off while he attempts to take a
leak. The level of nasty lunacy here is impossible to do justice in a blog
post. Not scary. Not traditionally “good”. But nonetheless, it is an undeniably
fun and gooey time.
Nasty
Rating: 8/10
baby bigfoot skulls “Big, hairy Nasty” See it.
