Okay, so… it’s no secret whatsoever that John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) is my absolute favorite film of all time. I watch it several times a year, it never gets old, you know the drill. Everybody has their number one pick for best movie ever, and this one is mine. And truth be told, I don’t think it’s hard to see why.
There’s a reason Halloween is still
considered by many to be the scariest film ever made. It’s still effective
after forty years, and each new generation that discovers it jumps when Michael
Myers bursts out of the pantry to skewer PJ Soles’ boyfriend Bob! It also is
simply damned good. All of the performances are far above and beyond what any production
costing $300,000 should be. The camera work is arresting and ahead of its time,
paving the way for other fright flicks such as The Evil Dead (1981). And
of course, everyone and their mother knows that the picture ignited both the
career of one Jamie Lee Curtis and the slasher phenomenon of the 1980s.
So, there isn’t much new to say here
about the original film. Halloween is the absolute best at what it does,
and would no doubt top any list I were to create, except…
What about the sequels? I think we can
all agree that the Halloween franchise is pound-for-pound better, more
often than not, when stacked up against its competitor series’ such as Friday
the 13th and A Nightmare on Elm Street. Granted, Michael has
found himself in his fair share of duds, but nothing here quite reaches the murky,
barrel-bottom depths of the likes of Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare
(1991). And with Halloween Kills, David Gordon Green’s follow-up to his
2018 smash reboot, now pushed out to 2021, it feels like a good time to revisit
all the Haddonfield we can get as the spookiest time of the year approaches!
So how do all the Halloween sequels/reboots/remakes
stand up? Let’s find out! Oh, and one more thing: I LOVE all these movies, even
the bad ones (well, maybe except the bottom three…) so this is all in good fun!
UPDATE 9/4/2023: Halloween Ends (2022) unceremoniously added to this list
13)
Halloween: Resurrection (2002) directed by Rick Rosenthal
Hey, it’s Halloween, I guess
everyone’s entitled to… well, no scares at all, really. What’s worse than
killing off Jamie Lee Curtis? Casting Busta Rhymes, of course! Rick Rosenthal
returned to the franchise for the first time since he directed Halloween II
(1981) just to helm this steaming turd. Not only does the script completely
retcon the ending of 1998’s Halloween H20, it also writes out Laurie
Strode and promptly gives Michael Myers absolutely nothing to do. Well, almost
nothing. A group of internet reality tv show people are doing a special sleep
over at the Myers house, so Michael gets to go kill them I guess. But one of
the partiers is Katee Sackhoff! So if you like Battlestar Galactica then
that’s something. She’s probably the only real good part of this movie.
12)
Halloween II (2009) directed by Rob Zombie
When I saw this film in the theater,
I had a better opinion of it than I do now. There are quite a few good ideas
here, but they aren’t well-executed. Rob Zombie had a pretty hit with his first…
uh… stab at remaking Carpenter’s classic, even if that film is maligned in
hindsight. Here, he doesn’t even manage to create any unease at all. Instead
what we get is a parade of gruesome deaths that aren’t so much shocking as they
are rote. And the trailer trash aesthetic that Zombie is known for doesn’t land
either. Throw those elements together with some arthouse-style surreal imagery
that could have been interesting but just comes off as tonally weird, and you
get a misfire that is a veritable cornucopia of “missed it by that much”. Still,
in spite of being mostly boring, it can hold a sort of morbid fascination for viewers
who enjoy pondering how things went so wrong.
11)
Halloween (2007) directed by Rob Zombie
Here we have what I like to call Rob
Zombie’s John Carpenter’s Halloween. Zombie is well-known for his scuzzy
horror hits House of 1000 Corpses (2003) and The Devil’s Rejects
(2005) and the accolades are deserved. Yours Truly even admits to liking The
Lords of Salem (2012). Unfortunately, this first attempt at completely
rebooting the franchise – while initially successful at the box office – ultimately
fails at… well, pretty much everything. The trailer trash look, the incessant
swearing that feels almost impossibly forced… Most fans will agree that what
made Michael Myers so frightening in the first place was the apparent lack of
discernible motivation to his actions. In the original film (more on that in a
minute) he seems to stalk Laurie Strode because she just so happened to deliver
the key to his house while he was there. The fallacy of later sequels was in
leaning into the mythology a bit too hard, thus stripping Michael of his
fear-factor while also making everything way too convoluted. Rob Zombie must
have liked that though, because with this movie he gives us the killer’s entire
backstory. The entire first half of the film could be called Netflix’ Making
a Murderer Redux. After that, we get a second half that is essentially a sped-up
scene-for-scene remake of the original film. This holds true right down to the
girls walking home from school and even Michael nailing poor Bob to the
cupboards of the Wallace residence. Performances are decent, but Scout Taylor-Compton
and Malcolm McDowell mostly make us wish for Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald
Pleasence again.
10) Halloween Ends (2022) directed by David Gordon Green
David Gordon Green could have followed up his one-two punch of Halloween (2018) and Halloween Kills (2021) with a technical knockout. Instead, what we get is Michael Myers hiding in a storm drain like Pennywise and some college kid trying to take up the mantle because he's being bullied by... *checks notes*... band geeks? Cory Cunningham (gotta have the name alliteration) is an outcast in Haddonfield because a kid he was babysitting fell off the banister and died while trying to pull a stupid prank. Imagine killing yourself on accident while trying to punk your babysitter... what a loser. Anyway, Laurie Strode first feels sorry for the guy and tries to set him up with her granddaughter, but then tries to break them up because she sees the "same evil" or something in Cory's eyes. In the end, we do finally get the showdown with Michael that the entire trilogy was teasing us with, but it kind of comes out of nowhere. Ultimately, just like Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982), this third installment would probably be better appreciated if it wasn't a Halloween movie.
9)
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers – Theatrical Cut (1995) directed by Joe
Chappelle
Finally, we have the first good (?)
installment on this list. The Curse of Michael Myers has quite a bit
stacked against it – primarily some impressive nonsense regarding Celtic runes
and necromancy, as well as a 90s look that holds up just about as well as a
termite-infested treehouse in a windstorm. Nevertheless, it manages to hold
audience interest if only because of how weird it is. This cut that was
released into theaters had its fair share of production woes as well. The
entire ending was reshot, new gore scenes were done (why not?) and Daniel
Farrands’ original script was effectively butchered at the behest of studio
bigwigs. The Producer’s Cut (included later on this list) works a bit better,
but until its resurrection in 2014, was almost an internet rumor and only
viewable as a terrible bootleg culled from a VHS master. In any case, let’s round
this up. The Good? Paul Rudd and Donald Pleasence. Their presence saves this one.
The Bad? The ending has a lot of green liquid in syringes. What is this, Reanimator?
The Ugly? That kid has some massive ears…
8)
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) directed by
Dominique Othenin-Girard
The fourth installment of the series
brought it back from the dead just a year earlier, so naturally Moustapha Akkad
wanted to jump on the renewed success. More than any other sequel, however, The
Revenge of Michael Myers dates itself. The costumes, the music, the cheese…
all of it is squarely late-80s in the extreme. That and the meandering script do
tend to cripple the picture somewhat, but Donald Pleasence is as good as ever,
and Danielle Harris reprises her role as Jamie Lloyd to great effect. It also
has a bit more gore included than most previous iterations, but that’s not hard
to do. Mostly, the film gets by less on what does right than what it doesn’t do
wrong (a laughably bad Myers mask notwithstanding). The Mark of Thorn and the
Man in Black – both explained away to a ridiculous degree in Curse –
here provide a sense of mystery that at least keeps viewers interested. And,
though its architecture is inexplicably and wildly different for some reason,
the Myers house is a fun and suitably creepy location for the film’s climax. If
viewed on the heels of part four, Revenge might seem disappointing, but on
its own it works rather better than its reputation might suggest.
7)
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998) directed by Steve
Miner
The worst is behind us! From here
on out, everything has more good than bad. H20 is the first soft reboot
of the series. It was intended to completely ignore everything that had
happened since Halloween II (1981), but good ol’ Daniel Farrands of Curse
fame found a way to bridge the continuity of his script with this one via the
time-honored horror medium of comic books. So, I guess it fits? Jamie Lee
Curtis returns to the role that launched her career, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt
gets killed with an ice skate, so there’s something for everyone! Though the flick
is definitely riding the coattails of Scream (1996), it manages to
deliver on the gore and character fronts, giving it a definite step up from
previous entries on this list. The setting is moved from Haddonfield to
California, and that doesn’t work terribly well, but it remains visually
grabbing, and the ending is one of the best in franchise history. Also of note:
Steve Miner steps into the directors chair here, giving him the distinction of being
the only person to direct installments of both Halloween and Friday
the 13th.
6)
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers – Producer’s Cut (1995) directed by Joe
Chappelle
Is this cheating? Well, it’s my
list, so I make the rules. The Curse of Michael Myers: The Producer’s Cut
was the stuff of horror film legend for nearly twenty years. Watching it now,
it’s downright baffling that anything was changed. Sure, it’s not the best installment
ever, and it still has its share of problems, but the fact remains that this
cut of the film is far, far better than what fans got in theaters back in 1995.
For one thing, Paul Rudd’s portrayal as the grown-up Tommy Doyle – struggling with
PTSD and perhaps a bit on the autism spectrum – gets full justice here. His
obsession with Michael in the theatrical version didn’t make much sense and was
never truly resolved. In this cut, his expertise on the black magic that makes
the Shape tick actually comes to fruition. Doctor Loomis’ screams at the end of
the previous incarnation also have a reason now. It goes to show how much a
little bit of continuity really does go a long way. The biggest downside to this
episode of the franchise is that both cuts do away with Jamie Lloyd with little
consideration for her character arc. Add to that the fact that Danielle Harris
was snubbed for the role, despite going through a painful and expensive legal
process to get emancipated so that she could play the part, and you still a
number of missteps here. Still, it is fun, only boring sometimes, and at least
it finally gets the mask right for the first time since Carpenter’s original.
5)
Halloween II (1981) directed by Rick Rosenthal
By the time producers got around to
making a sequel to Halloween, the slasher boom was well underway. John
Carpenter may have laid the blueprint for the genre, but Friday the 13th
cemented the tropes of more gore and higher body counts. This film does
quite well, picking up at the exact moment the first film left off, and following
Laurie Strode as Michael continues to stalk her at the hospital. Narrative
tension is somewhat lacking, but the kills are creative and Jamie Lee Curtis
and Donald Pleasence both manage to do quite a bit with their comparative lack
of screen time. The camera work is also very accomplished, aiming to keep to
the feel of its predecessor with long takes in and out of homes as Myers stalks
through suburban neighborhoods. Of course, the 80s cheese rears its head with
some truly head-scratching effects, specifically that chuckle-inducing outline in
the grass where Michael supposedly landed at the end of part one. The score is
also synthed-up a bit, which does nothing for the timelessness of the picture.
And no critique of this movie would be complete without a mention of how
unnecessary it was to make Laurie Strode and Michael Myers siblings. And that “how”
is very. Very unnecessary. Nevertheless, Halloween II has its share of
iconic moments and is a worthy sequel, probably the first great film on this
list.
4)
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) directed by Tommy
Lee Wallace
Hey, what’s this doing here? Is it
even actually a Halloween movie? Many fans roll their eyes at Season
of the Witch but divorced from the narrative of Michael Myers versus The
Strodes, it proves to be a fun and engaging little fright flick. John Carpenter
wanted originally to anthologize the Halloween series, telling a new
tale of terror every year. Those dreams were dashed when audiences raised hell
about not having their favorite villain on the screen. In spite of nearly
killing any hope for future installments, this picture does indeed deliver on
tension, scares, and even a little bit of the gruesome bloodletting. It also
features one of my favorite horror actors in Tom Atkins. He elevates everything
he is in, almost like a working mans Vincent Price. It may be an outlier in the
pantheon of the franchise, but it delivers on the horror, the suspense, and the
thrills. It also has a jingle that’s too damn catchy for its own good. Hate me
if you want, but Season of the Witch cracks the first spot in the top
three - at least, before Halloween Kills...
3) Halloween Kills (2021) directed by David Gordon Green
The newest installment as of 2021 is bloody brilliant, despite critical reactions being lukewarm. It picks up right where Halloween (2018) leaves off and never lets up for a second. While the direction isn't necessarily as inspired at it's predecessor, the film makes up for it in both body count and boldness of vision. The violence is positively wince-inducing, but purposefully aimed at highlighting the senselessness of trying to understand evil. While the previous film tackled personal trauma, this time out the focus is the effect of tragedy on the community. We see the terrible outcome of mob mentality, while Michael Myers continues his rampage largely unimpeded. John Carpenter returns to score the picture, Jamie Lee Curtis gets a reprisal of her hospitalization in Halloween II, and we get the returns of many familiar faces from the original film. Add to that a truly unique format for a slasher film, and Halloween Kills earns a spot in the top 5!
2)
Halloween (2018) directed by David Gordon Green
I don’t know a single person I’ve
talked to that doesn’t love this movie. It marks the third time that the franchise
has been rebooted (counting H20) and the first time such a reboot has
been a true success. David Gordon Green’s approach ignores all previous sequels
and opts to be a direct follow-up to Carpenter’s original, doing away with the
silliness of Celtic cults and eye-rolling family ties. It may be a bit
ambitious, but that’s all the criticism I really have for it. The gore is
wince-inducing, the scares are actually scary for the first time in decades,
and Jamie Lee Curtis in top form reprising a PTSD-afflicted Laurie who has
waited forty years for her chance to get revenge. Everything here works, even
the weird European psychologist who wants to study Michael “in the wild”. I
truly cannot wait for Halloween Kills (2021).
1)
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) directed by Dwight
H. Little
Here we have it: the best Halloween
sequel. The Return of Michael Myers isn’t perfect. In fact, the most
recent Halloween (2018) just covered might be a better film. But the
truth is this movie does everything fans of the franchise want and more. Donald
Pleasence is back. Haddonfield feels familiar. The score pounds away. And most
importantly: Danielle Harris. I will say here and now that she might be one of
the best child actors of all time, and far, far underappreciated for her work
as Laurie Strode’s orphaned daughter, Jamie. Many child characters in horror
range from bad, just god-awfully annoying – I’m looking you Bob in House by
the Cemetery (1981). We get some fantastic kills with great effects by KNB FX
Group (that throat-ripping!), and most of all some of the most
impressive set-pieces in the franchise. I enjoy this film so much, it is often
the one I pick to double-feature with the first.
So, there you have it folks! Your
complete ranking of the Night HE Came Home! Get yourself set for a marathon,
and… I’m gonna say it, I can’t help myself…
You know, it’s Halloween, I guess everyone’s entitled to one good scare!
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