Between the release of Halloween (1978)
and the end of the first slasher boom around 1984, there were literally
hundreds of imitations made. Some were instant classics in their own right,
like Friday the 13th (1980), but… well… most were not. And
that’s what we have here, folks! The Nots!
Personally, I find the utter
ineptitude of these particular films quite charming (though there ARE a few
really good ones thrown into the mix). A couple films here have appeared on our
list of holiday slashers, but they merit inclusion in this series too. Mostly,
this countdown serves to just underscore for the umpteenth time that the
slasher movie genre is probably the most endless and enduring of all. Y’all up
for some good ol’ hack-n-slash? Here we go…
10
Underrated 80’s Slashers Part V: A New Beginning
10)
Schizoid (1980) dir. David Paulsen
We’re kicking things off with a
little Cannon Films picture that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Some
nonsense about cheating husbands and divorce making a killer go nuts and… um…
cut out the competition? It has Klaus Kinski, so that’s always fun (read:
looney tunes). The weapon of choice here is scissors, which makes things
suitably bloody. At the very least, it’s 80 minutes of WTF to kill an
afternoon.
9)
Zombie Island Massacre (1984) dir. John Carter
The folks over at Troma Studios
picked up this regional oddity for distribution back before they were able to
get The Toxic Avenger (1986) off the ground. Very little is known about
the production, but Harry Manfredini literally steals from his own score for Friday
the 13th (1980) to fill the gaps, which probably means he really
needed a paycheck. Essentially, a group of tourists stop on an island in the
Caribbean where they run afoul of a killer, angry natives, and an oddly middle
class gang of drug runners. A solid 5/10 that can be pushed to a full 10/10
with a six-pack of your favorite suds.
8)
The Chill Factor (1989) dir. Christopher Webster
For hysterical homemade horror, look
no further than this weird mashup of slashing, skiing, and Satanism. A group of
friends go for a winter cabin getaway, find a Ouija board, conjure some demons,
and get picked off one by one. Since most slashers tend to take place in the
summer, or on a holiday, this one actually offers something fairly unique in
its snowbound setting. The isolation is effective, but the acting is not. A few
gruesome kills make The Chill Factor worthwhile, though, especially for
aficionados of bottom-barrel cinema like Yours Truly.
7)
New Year’s Evil (1980) dir. Emmett Alston
Another Cannon Films offering with
all the expected trappings of hammy acting, decent special effects, and off-the-wall
weirdness. It’s New Year’s Eve! And a local news anchor finds herself stalked
by an obsessive killer who is calling in and dedicating murders to her! The
film is an early-boom example of the formula not quite gelling yet, hamstrung
by having our villain targeting unlikeable and annoying adults instead of
carefree, spunky teens. Still, it has style to spare and a shit-ton of neon and
lens flare, so it’s worth checking out!
6)
Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984) dir. Edmund Purdom
If Murphy’s Law was a movie, it
would be this one. Literally everything that can go wrong does in this example
of holiday sleaze. After his successful turn as the villain in Pieces (1982),
Edmund Purdom wanted to direct his own slasher flick. He probably shouldn’t have,
but since he did, here we have Don’t Open Till Christmas. Unlike most
Christmas slashers, the killer is not a Santa Claus. Instead, he kills anyone
dressed as Santa Claus! Ho Ho Hoooo Noooo… An infamously troubled production
ensures that we get something that kinda reminds you of a plot (sorta like how
seltzer water reminds you of a flavor) and a bunch of bloody Santa slayings.
Oh, and a healthy dose of titties. Everything a growing boy needs, really.
5)
X-Ray (1982) dir. Boaz Davidson
Also known as Hospital Massacre,
this little curiosity is a narrative mess. Essentially, it’s the tale of a woman
stuck in a hospital on Valentine’s Day because no one will let her leave (?)
and she’s stalked by a whiny incel she rejected twenty years ago who has
decided to murder everyone in his path. The good news is, it’s very pretty to
look at. The camera work, set design, and atmosphere are all top-notch, and the
gore is par excellence. So while the story is like a tangled pair of earbuds,
and the logic is practically non-existent, X-Ray is still a helluva fun
movie that cracks the first spot in the Top 5 on this list.
4)
Graduation Day (1981) dir. Herb Freed
Halloween really did set the
standard for slasher movies set on every day of celebration imaginable. Graduation
Day really is the simplest of set-ups. I don’t even really need to tell you
the plot, do I? A killer is offing kids at their high school graduation. Pretty
much it. However, we get an early example of Linnea Quigley doing her requisite
nudie bit, and the gore quotient is surprisingly high. Add to that an
atmosphere of fun that many other installments here are missing, and you have a
minor hidden gem on your hands.
3)
Grave Robbers (1989) dir. Rubén Galindo Jr.
Having found previous success with Cemetery
of Terror (1985) and Don’t Panic (1987), Mexploitation maverick Rubén
Galindo Jr. directed one of his absolute best films with Grave Robbers. Much
like Cemetery of Terror, some unwitting teens accidentally resurrect the
body of a serial killer who goes about slicing, dicing, and not-so-nicing everybody
he can get his hands on. It’s a remarkably simple setup that happens to work
very well, with the director doing his best Lucio Fulci impression with positively
wince-inducing, squishy gore all over the place. An unsung classic.
2)
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) dir. Charles E. Sellier Jr.
While it may be more infamous for
the campaign of moral majority outrage waged against it by mobs of Karens who
saw the poster and drew all sorts of zany and wrong conclusions, Silent
Night, Deadly Night is probably the best killer Santa movie out there. Not
that it’s a good movie, really, but it’s the best of its kind. Poor Billy saw
his parents murdered by a guy in a Santa outfit, then got religiously abused by
the mother superior at his orphanage, and finally gets forced to dress as Santa
on Christmas Eve for his job at a toy store! Geez oh man… Well, he sets out to
punish everyone he thinks is naughty, including skewering poor, buxom and (once
again) topless Linnea Quigley on an antlers trophy. This is a truly unique
slice of slasher cinema that comes complete with its own earworm of an original
Christmas song.
1)
Girls Nite Out (1982) dir. Robert Deubel
Okay, hear me out: This movie is not
good. It’s not even the best on this list. But it’s number one because of one
thing… The killer is dressed in a teddy bear college mascot costume and kills
sorority girls on a scavenger hunt using knives that they stuck in the paw like
bear claws while Hal Holbrook chases them down from the comfort of the phone in
the campus security office. PLUS, the soundtrack is almost entirely The Loving
Spoonful. There is plenty of blood, plenty of boobs, and plenty of beer
onscreen. This movie is so nutty, there is NO WAY it doesn’t take the top spot.
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