10 Underrated 80's Slashers Part V: A New Beginning

 

            Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the blog! You thought it was over… You thought the fourth installment was the final chapter… But if my slasher lists still haunt you, you’re not alone!

 

Between the release of Halloween (1978) and the end of the first slasher boom around 1984, there were literally hundreds of imitations made. Some were instant classics in their own right, like Friday the 13^th (1980), but… well… most were not. And that’s what we have here, folks! The Nots!

 

            Personally, I find the utter ineptitude of these particular films quite charming (though there ARE a few really good ones thrown into the mix). A couple films here have appeared on our list of holiday slashers, but they merit inclusion in this series too. Mostly, this countdown serves to just underscore for the umpteenth time that the slasher movie genre is probably the most endless and enduring of all. Y’all up for some good ol’ hack-n-slash? Here we go…

 

10 Underrated 80’s Slashers Part V: A New Beginning

 

 

10) Schizoid (1980) dir. David Paulsen

 

            We’re kicking things off with a little Cannon Films picture that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Some nonsense about cheating husbands and divorce making a killer go nuts and… um… cut out the competition? It has Klaus Kinski, so that’s always fun (read: looney tunes). The weapon of choice here is scissors, which makes things suitably bloody. At the very least, it’s 80 minutes of WTF to kill an afternoon.

 

 

 

9) Zombie Island Massacre (1984) dir. John Carter

 

            The folks over at Troma Studios picked up this regional oddity for distribution back before they were able to get The Toxic Avenger (1986) off the ground. Very little is known about the production, but Harry Manfredini literally steals from his own score for Friday the 13^th (1980) to fill the gaps, which probably means he really needed a paycheck. Essentially, a group of tourists stop on an island in the Caribbean where they run afoul of a killer, angry natives, and an oddly middle class gang of drug runners. A solid 5/10 that can be pushed to a full 10/10 with a six-pack of your favorite suds.

 

 

 

8) The Chill Factor (1989) dir. Christopher Webster

 

            For hysterical homemade horror, look no further than this weird mashup of slashing, skiing, and Satanism. A group of friends go for a winter cabin getaway, find a Ouija board, conjure some demons, and get picked off one by one. Since most slashers tend to take place in the summer, or on a holiday, this one actually offers something fairly unique in its snowbound setting. The isolation is effective, but the acting is not. A few gruesome kills make The Chill Factor worthwhile, though, especially for aficionados of bottom-barrel cinema like Yours Truly.

 

 

 

7) New Year’s Evil (1980) dir. Emmett Alston

 

            Another Cannon Films offering with all the expected trappings of hammy acting, decent special effects, and off-the-wall weirdness. It’s New Year’s Eve! And a local news anchor finds herself stalked by an obsessive killer who is calling in and dedicating murders to her! The film is an early-boom example of the formula not quite gelling yet, hamstrung by having our villain targeting unlikeable and annoying adults instead of carefree, spunky teens. Still, it has style to spare and a shit-ton of neon and lens flare, so it’s worth checking out!

 

 

 

6) Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984) dir. Edmund Purdom

 

            If Murphy’s Law was a movie, it would be this one. Literally everything that can go wrong does in this example of holiday sleaze. After his successful turn as the villain in Pieces (1982), Edmund Purdom wanted to direct his own slasher flick. He probably shouldn’t have, but since he did, here we have Don’t Open Till Christmas. Unlike most Christmas slashers, the killer is not a Santa Claus. Instead, he kills anyone dressed as Santa Claus! Ho Ho Hoooo Noooo… An infamously troubled production ensures that we get something that kinda reminds you of a plot (sorta like how seltzer water reminds you of a flavor) and a bunch of bloody Santa slayings. Oh, and a healthy dose of titties. Everything a growing boy needs, really.

 

 

 

5) X-Ray (1982) dir. Boaz Davidson

 

            Also known as Hospital Massacre, this little curiosity is a narrative mess. Essentially, it’s the tale of a woman stuck in a hospital on Valentine’s Day because no one will let her leave (?) and she’s stalked by a whiny incel she rejected twenty years ago who has decided to murder everyone in his path. The good news is, it’s very pretty to look at. The camera work, set design, and atmosphere are all top-notch, and the gore is par excellence. So while the story is like a tangled pair of earbuds, and the logic is practically non-existent, X-Ray is still a helluva fun movie that cracks the first spot in the Top 5 on this list.

 

 

 

4) Graduation Day (1981) dir. Herb Freed

 

            Halloween really did set the standard for slasher movies set on every day of celebration imaginable. Graduation Day really is the simplest of set-ups. I don’t even really need to tell you the plot, do I? A killer is offing kids at their high school graduation. Pretty much it. However, we get an early example of Linnea Quigley doing her requisite nudie bit, and the gore quotient is surprisingly high. Add to that an atmosphere of fun that many other installments here are missing, and you have a minor hidden gem on your hands.

 

3) Grave Robbers (1989) dir. Rubén Galindo Jr.

 

            Having found previous success with Cemetery of Terror (1985) and Don’t Panic (1987), Mexploitation maverick Rubén Galindo Jr. directed one of his absolute best films with Grave Robbers. Much like Cemetery of Terror, some unwitting teens accidentally resurrect the body of a serial killer who goes about slicing, dicing, and not-so-nicing everybody he can get his hands on. It’s a remarkably simple setup that happens to work very well, with the director doing his best Lucio Fulci impression with positively wince-inducing, squishy gore all over the place. An unsung classic.

 

 

 

2) Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) dir. Charles E. Sellier Jr.

 

            While it may be more infamous for the campaign of moral majority outrage waged against it by mobs of Karens who saw the poster and drew all sorts of zany and wrong conclusions, Silent Night, Deadly Night is probably the best killer Santa movie out there. Not that it’s a good movie, really, but it’s the best of its kind. Poor Billy saw his parents murdered by a guy in a Santa outfit, then got religiously abused by the mother superior at his orphanage, and finally gets forced to dress as Santa on Christmas Eve for his job at a toy store! Geez oh man… Well, he sets out to punish everyone he thinks is naughty, including skewering poor, buxom and (once again) topless Linnea Quigley on an antlers trophy. This is a truly unique slice of slasher cinema that comes complete with its own earworm of an original Christmas song.

 

 

 

1) Girls Nite Out (1982) dir. Robert Deubel

 

            Okay, hear me out: This movie is not good. It’s not even the best on this list. But it’s number one because of one thing… The killer is dressed in a teddy bear college mascot costume and kills sorority girls on a scavenger hunt using knives that they stuck in the paw like bear claws while Hal Holbrook chases them down from the comfort of the phone in the campus security office. PLUS, the soundtrack is almost entirely The Loving Spoonful. There is plenty of blood, plenty of boobs, and plenty of beer onscreen. This movie is so nutty, there is NO WAY it doesn’t take the top spot.

 

 

10 Great Modern Slashers

 

Is this blog just about slashers now? Well… um… maybe? I dunno, but it’s my page so I make the rules! Of course, I love slashers! I love all kinds of horror movies, but since that passion began when I first saw the one-two punch of Halloween (1978) and Friday the 13^th (1980), slashers have held a special place in my heart.

 

            Now, we’ve done a lot of lists on here about slasher movies from that great heyday of the 1980’s. It was the infamous boom of stalk-n-slash, after all! However, the grand tradition of a deranged killer knifing their way through a group of hapless teens didn’t die when that decade ended, no sir! The genre has soldiered on during the intervening decades, delivering homages, send-ups, love letters, and new villains to get tattooed on your neck. With this article, let’s take a look at a few of the good ones!

 

            For the purposes of this list, we won’t be including any remakes, reboots, or sequels. Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Krueger never really left us, but I want to focus on the modern slasher. You know, scrips that are self-aware and hip! The Scream (1996) blueprint! So, as always, without further ado…

 

10 Great Modern Slashers!

 

10) Urban Legend (1998) dir. Jamie Blanks

 

            Any time a movie opens with Brad Dourif, I’m in. Urban Legend is generally considered to be one of the better tail-end entries in the 90’s “hip” slasher boom that began with Scream. A bunch of college teens and Jared Leto (oof, that doesn’t age well) must contend with a killer picking them off in the manner of various campfire stories á la “the killer is in the backseat!” It also takes a page from the campus slashers of old and features Robert Englund as a professor!

 

 

 

9) Laid to Rest (2009) dir. Robert Hall

 

            Gore FX guru Robert Hall graduates to director with this low-budge splatter-fest featuring a villain deserving of being a genre icon. Chromeskull is an enigmatic murderer with a, well… chrome skull mask. But he also has a video camera on his shoulder to film his kills! The narrative is lean as it’s essentially just one long chase sequence, but the violence is remarkably graphic. Effectively, the movie is just a chance for Hall to show off his practical gore effects skills. That’s not a bad thing though, because said effects are truly impressive, and the pace never really lets up. It’s a fine… uh… slice of independent filmmaking.

 

 

 

8) High Tension (2003) dir. Alexandre Aja

 

            French director Alexandre Aja became popular in the US with his ultra-gory remakes of The Hills Have Eyes (2006) and Piranha (2010). Before coming to Hollywood though, he let loose with this example of extreme horror popular in his home country. A young woman staying with her friend’s family in the country must survive the night when a deranged killer invades their home. The gore is wince-inducing here, featuring a handheld buzzsaw and decapition with… *checks notes* a bookshelf?

 

 

 

7) Hell Fest (2018) dir. Gregory Plotkin

 

            Like Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse (1981), Hell Fest makes use of the extra-creepy carnival setting as a backdrop for a masked murderer to do his grisly thing to as many teens as possible. What makes this installment good is that it is a return to the simplicity of 80s slashers. No gimmick, no wiser-than-their-years sarcastic characters, just a creepy location and a bad guy with sharp implements. What’s not to love?

 

 

 

6) House of 1000 Corpses (2003) dir. Rob Zombie

 

            When he’s not royally screwing up the Halloween franchise, Rob Zombie actually makes some damned good movies. His first film concerns the Firefly family, a motley group who like to murder hapless passersby in the middle of nowhere… essentially The Texas Chainsaw Massacre but with neon lights and Sid Haig. Zombie creates a truly demented world as disturbing as the real roadside tourist traps it features. A harrowing work of art. Oh, and it has a host of familiar faces, including Walton Goggins, Sheri Moon Zombie, Karen Black, Rainn Wilson, and Bill Moseley!

 

 

 

5) Hatchet (2006) dir. Adam Green

 

            “Old School American Horror” is the tagline for this genuinely special homage. Kane “Jason Voorhees” Hodder plays a modern horror icon in Victor Crowley – the murderous ghost of a deformed backwoods monstrosity. The Louisiana swamps setting is inspired, and the kills are ludicrously over the top and gory as hell. On top of that, a healthy dose of irreverent humor makes the brutality a little less serious, making Hatchet a breezy, bloody ride. Cameos from Robert Englund and Tony Todd sweeten the deal, so horror junkies are sure to be in for a treat.

 

 

 

4) I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) dir. Jim Gillespie

 

            Screenwriter Kevin Williamson hit paydirt with his script for Scream, and immediately set out to write another smash with his wise-crackin’, hip teens slasher formula. The summer before college, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr., Ryan Phillipe, and Sarah Buffy – er, I mean Michelle – Gellar accidently run over a guy walking in the middle of the road at night. Instead of calling 911, they dump the body in the ocean. The next summer, they start receiving mysterious notes claiming knowledge of what they did and are stalked by a killer in a rain slicker and a big ol’ hook. While the gore quotient is lower here than pretty much every other entry on this list, the plot has a timelessness to it that pushes it into iconic territory. It’s just simply too fun to ignore.

 

 

 

3) Fear Street (2021) dir. Leigh Janiak

 

            Okay, so this installment is really THREE movies in one. Fear Street is a slasher trilogy based on R.L. Stine’s book series. Each installment is subtitled by the year in which it is set. 1994 is a Scream-styled homage, while 1978 is a summer camp slasher straight out of Friday the 13^th, and 1666 blends the slasher approach with good old fashioned folk horror. All three films come together to tell an effective, fun, and terrifying tale of witchcraft, serial killers, and demonic possession. Unmissable. And, for fans of Stranger Things, 1978 features a show-stealing performance from Sadie Sink.

 

 

 

2) X (2022) / Pearl (2022) dir. Ti West

 

            Ti West is a horror filmmaker who has just hit his stride. After his first hits House of the Devil (2009) and The Innkeepers (2011), he established himself as a director to watch. X and its consecutively filmed Pearl are quite simply two of the best modern movies made in the slasher genre. The first, X, is part Texas Chainsaw Massacre, part Dario Argento. It centers on the untimely demise of a group of young people in 1979 attempting to make an adult film on a secluded farm. Mia Goth plays the heroine Maxine and the octogenarian villain Pearl. Blood and boobs are the order of the day, and it is all done masterfully. The second film, Pearl, is the villainous backstory via Disney that we never knew we needed. Mia Goth reprises her role and turns in one of the best performances in the history of slasher cinema.

 

 

 

1) Scream (1996) dir. Wes Craven

 

            The only reason X isn’t in the top spot is because it just has to be Scream. It’s rare to find a movie that holds up this well after twenty-five years, and horror legend Wes Craven’s tale of horror-obsessed teens, aided by Kevin Williamson’s dynamite script and firecracker dialogue, remains as thrilling and witty now as it was in 1996. There isn’t a single weak link in the cast, which includes Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Skeet Ulrich, Rose McGowan, Matthew Lillard, Jamie Kennedy, and Drew Barrymore! The film is also bloody as all get-out, and by the end the red stuff covers practically everything. Naturally, no rundown would be complete without a mention of Ghostface, a villain that has deservedly joined the ranks of Michael, Jason, and Freddy as horror royalty. It’s a love letter to slasher movies that manages to transcend the genre to become a classic in its own right.

 

Christmas in July: 10 Holiday Slashers

 

 

            Got the summertime blues? Heat melting your brain? Must be time for Christmas in July! I gotta say, I absolutely hate the hot weather. I hate the allergies. I hate the bugs. There’s really only one thing that really gets me through the atrocious summer months, and that is the anticipation of Fall, and Halloween! In the meantime, however, let’s tide us over with a look at something completely, grossly out-of-season… Holiday Slashers!

 

            Ever since Halloween kicked off the slasher boom in the fall of 1978, holiday hack-em-ups have part and parcel of the horror genre. Killer Santas and snowmen and garden variety jilted lovers have sliced, stabbed, and shish-kabobbed their ways through every imaginable day of celebration. Some are truly godawful, like the Thanksgiving romp Blood Rage (1987) – it’s not cranberry sauce! – while others like Bloody Birthday (1981) are truly inspired. And of course, many grab at any occasion at all to set a horror film in; from the surprisingly great (Prom Night [1980]) to the unbearably wacky (Graduation Day [1981]).

 

So let’s crank the A/C and beat the heat with 10 Holiday Slashers!

 

 

10) X-Ray (1982) dir. Boaz Davidson

 

            This Cannon Films-produced slice of weirdness was also titled Hospital Massacre, and like many slasher films of the time, is set around Valentine's Day for absolutely no reason. It centers on a woman who is being stalked by a maniac from her past in a hospital where nobody will let her leave. Sure, it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but the kills are bloody and the cinematography echoes that of Dario Argento, plus the movie goes well with those gross candy hearts.

 

 

 

9) New Year’s Evil (1980) dir. Emmett Alston

 

            This is one of those unusual slashers that focuses on adult victims instead of hapless teens. A tv news anchor who is somewhat of a local celebrity finds herself the target of a murderous maniac in the lead-up to her much-anticipated New Year’s Eve special. The film is another Cannon Films production and has all the superficial glitz and zaniness one expects from the famously low-budget 80s movie house. It also has a halfway clever title which, in all honesty, is probably the only real reason for its existence.

 

 

 

8) Christmas Evil (1980) dir. Lewis Jackson

 

            Speaking of convenient names, here’s another one! The difference here is that Christmas Evil is actually very good. It’s not your typical slice-n-dice either, saving most of the red stuff for the very end. It centers on Harry, a middle-aged man obsessed with Christmas due to seeing his parents getting it on as a kid while his dad was dressed up as Santa Claus. Naturally, Harry works at a toy factory by day, and pretends he’s Santa by night. No possible way that could end poorly, right? The film has obvious parallels to Scorsese’s Taxi Driver (1976), but never steals outright and hard-earns its suspense. An underseen gem in a Santa suit.

 

 

 

7) Terror Train (1980) dir. Roger Spottiswoode

 

            Jamie Lee Curtis is stuck on a college costume party train on New Year's Eve with a killer who wants revenge on her and her friends for a prank gone wrong. The claustrophobic nature of the train cars adds quite a bit of tension to this one, and the gore is well-done. The film also sidesteps a number of clichés by having the murderer switch disguises regularly, adding an anything-can-happen element to the proceedings.

 

 

 

6) Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984) dir. Charles E. Sellier Jr.

 

            PUNISH!!! This loony, thoroughly enjoyable cinematic disaster sailed straight into infamy when it was unceremoniously pulled from theaters after backlash from Conservative Killjoy Karens who protested its depiction of a killer in a Santa outfit. Never mind that it was hardly the first flick to try that particular gimmick (Christmas Evil was released four years earlier, and it wasn’t the first either) but Silent Night, Deadly Night is pretty damned clear that it’s not actually Santa going around murdering half the town. No, no, that would be Billy, a young man who saw his parents murdered by a criminal in a Santa outfit as a child, was subsequently abused by the mother superior at his orphanage, and now finds his fragile mental state thoroughly pulverized with a potato masher when he’s asked to play Santa Claus at the toy store he works for. Naturally, he goes about deciding that everyone is naughty and punishes them severely with an axe, Christmas lights, a box cutter, and even trophy antlers! Naughty…

 

 

 

5) Jack Frost (1997) dir. Michael Cooney

 

            This movie features the world’s most pissed-off snow cone! That’s right folks, it’s the one with the mutant killer snowman! Not to be confused with the children’s movie of the same name (dear God, please don’t show this to your kids… without making popcorn), Jack Frost is your definitely normal example of a movie where a serial killer gets splashed with some experimental whatever and becomes a really homicidal snowman with a penchant for cringy one-liners. It has Christmas tree crucifixion. It has oatmeal with antifreeze. It has the sex scene with the most layers of clothing ever! It’s almost perfect, is what I’m saying.

 

 

 

4) My Bloody Valentine (1981) dir. George Mihalka

 

            Harry Warden was trapped in a mineshaft collapse and went nuts, cannibalizing those trapped with him before he was rescued. Then he killed a bunch of people he thought were responsible on Valentine’s Day. Twenty years later, the murders have begun again. Is Harry Warden back? My Bloody Valentine is one of the absolute best one-off slashers out there. The miner’s outfit is remarkably scary, the gore is top notch, and the Canadian-ness of the whole thing is just… very Canadian. Get your heart broken!

 

 

 

3) Friday the 13^th (1980) dir. Sean Cunningham

 

            Is Friday the 13^th actually a holiday? Well, it’s a day, and people think it means something, so I guess it counts? You know this one. A bunch of teens are trying to get Camp Crystal Lake ready to reopen for the first time in years, but someone doesn’t want them too. In fact, the don’t want it bad enough that they start picking off the kids one by one. Everything about the film works, from the score by Harry Manfredini to the famous gore effects by Tom Savini (and any other rhyme I can make with “ini”). There’s a reason it spawned an entire franchise. It’s got a death curse!

 

 

2) Black Christmas (1974) dir. Bob Clark

 

            Perhaps the best Christmas movie ever made (and one of the greatest horror films ever by far) Black Christmas set the template for the slasher format to come. This rather simple tale of a sorority house being stalked by a killer as everyone gets ready to go home for the holidays is a masterpiece of suspense and terror. Director Bob Clark makes use of killer point-of-view shots years before Sam Raimi did the same in The Evil Dead (1981), and employs what may be the first instance of “the call is coming from inside the house” plot device, now so common in the genre. Add to that some incredible performances by Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, John Saxon, and Margot Kidder, and you have one unmissable experience. Oh, and turtles.

 

 

1) Halloween (1978) dir. John Carpenter

 

            Of course, Halloween is number one! Did you really think I’d leave it out? Not only is John Carpenter’s defining work the whole reason for the early slasher avalanche AND the first to set the pattern for holiday-themed slashers as well… it’s quite simply one of the best movies ever made! You all know what it’s about, but for good measure let’s just say Michael Myers escapes his mental institution, puts on a Captain Kirk mask, and goes about killing some babysitters and chasing Jamie Lee Curtis. The camerawork is bar none, the music is iconic, the pacing, editing, acting, and scripting are all pitch perfect. And the atmosphere is unequalled. It’s a perfect film and deserves to top any list it appears on. Full stop.

10 Lesser-Known Video Nasties

           When the UK enacted the Video Recordings Act of 1984, it was the height of moral majority censorship. Nutty conservatives in Britain were absolutely frothing at the mouth with outrage against what they saw as the decay of their pure and wholesome society. They enshrined into law the ability of the government to prosecute and convict films of obscenity. It seems almost Orwellian… and yet right-wing insanity seems to be alive and… unwell today.

           

            The Reagan administration here in the United States at the time was certainly setting up a trend toward conservative extremism and deregulation, but it never really managed to find a way to legally bury movies it didn’t like. The United Kingdom bears that dubious badge of dishonor. Violence, drugs, and above all sex were the targets of this heinous censorship.

 

            The effort was also famously bungled, with police raiding video stores and seizing movies at random that they believed violated the new law – including a now notorious slip-up in which they confiscated copies of the Dolly Parton musical The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982). Such a debacle underscores just how ludicrous the whole affair really was. While some of the films banned or censored do contain content that could be considered extreme, most leave modern audiences weaned on the likes of The Walking Dead on modern television wondering what could have possible pissed off the baby-brained alt-right loonies so much.

 

Many of these “arrested” films – termed video nasties – are now well-known to genre fans. Cannibal Holocaust (1980), Zombie (1979), The Beyond (1981), and even The Evil Dead (1981) are just a few titles that are practically household staples these days. However, a great portion of these banned pictures remain hard to see, even in the US, due to their presence on the nasties list. In light of a new, rising push by right-wing extremists in America to censor and even outright ban books, films, and curriculums from schools and control what you can and can’t see… perhaps there is no better time to highlight some of these films that suffered the weight of fascist policy, along with a rating do determine how “nasty” each flick is, and whether or not it really belongs on the infamous list. Without further ado I present…

 

10 Lesser-Known Video Nasties!

 

 

 

10) Evilspeak (1981) dir. Eric Weston

 

            Clint Howard, brother of director/actor Ron Howard and recognizable from dozens of horror films and literally every series of Star Trek, stars as a bullied cadet at a military school who discovers that he can get revenge against his tormentors by… programming a computer with the knowledge of a satanic book? Whatever. The point is, this movie is wacky and the kills are pretty damn entertaining, with no shortage of the red stuff. It’s not a masterpiece, but it holds your attention and Howard gives an expectedly great performance.

 

Nasty Rating: 4/10 devil computers “Not that Nasty” A great horror flick, but nothing extreme.

 

 

 

9) Night of the Bloody Apes (1969) dir. René Cardona Sr.

 

            René Cardona Jr. is a mexploitation hero, and his films include Tintorera: Tiger Shark (1977) and Guyana: Cult of the Damned (1979). His father, René Cardona Sr. directed this movie. And others, I guess. But none of them included actual footage of a real heart transplant. And none of them included a man with a gorilla heart transplanted in him that slowly turns him into an ape-man who runs around killing dudes and trying to sex their lady friends. Mexican exploitation films are great, is what I’m saying.

 

Nasty Rating: 6/10 open monkey heart surgeries “Kinda Nasty actually” Not well-made, but damn…

 

 

 

8) Gestapo’s Last Orgy (1977) dir. Cesare Canevari

 

            Gerbils. Plus, some of the most tasteless scenes in all of nazisploitation. Also titled Caligula Reincarnated as Hitler, this little exploitation remake of The Night Porter (1974) focuses on the somewhat complicated relationship between a concentration camp survivor and her former nazi commandant. So, nasty stuff to be sure. Plenty of shocking scenes to tickle your tasteless buds. But the one in which she is strung up above a bunch of hungry rats (that are actually gerbils) is probably what you’ll remember.

 

Nasty Rating: 9/10 backwards swastikas “Das ist Nasty, mein Fuhrer” Yeah, this one is kinda understandable.

 

 

 

7) The Ghastly Ones (1968) dir. Andy Milligan

 

            Andy Milligan is the filmmaker that everyone loves to hate, but also still loves? He’s kinda like Herschell Gordon Lewis, except Lewis’ films are at least recognizable as… well, films. Milligan was a passionate, gay, and perpetually drunk genius. The Ghastly Ones is perhaps his most well-known work, but that doesn’t mean it makes sense or is in any way competent. That being said, it’s still quite fun somehow… It’s a typical setup regarding an old mansion, siblings squabbling over an inheritance, and someone killing them one by one. Maybe not particularly nasty (though it could be if anyone involved had talent), but Milligan’s style of hysterics and bottom-barrel melodrama is oddly – if not perversely – engaging.

 

Nasty Rating: 5/10 uncentered frames “Flamboyantly Nasty-ish” Bong not required, but recommended

 

 

 

6) The Slayer (1982) dir. J.S. Cardone

 

            This slasher had a dream demon and was released two years before one, two, Freddy Krueger came for you. It’s a small cast, only four main characters, and focuses on this motley group vacationing on an island where they get very dead, very gruesomely. It’s well-paced, well-acted, and the kills are nice and splattery. What more could you want? Okay, it’s not as nasty as a lot of others, and if this made the nasty list, then Friday the 13^th (1980) should have qualified. But we know the whole legislation was bullshit anyway, and here it is. It’s spooky, and a slasher that belongs on your shelf.

 

Nasty Rating: 3/10 latex demon masks “Nasty in your dreams maybe” Good movie, not particularly shocking.

 

5) The Toolbox Murders (1977) dir. Dennis Donnelly

 

            Hammer? Check. Nail Gun? Check. Screwdriver? Check. Incest, Star Trek child actors, homoerotic crime scene clean-up, and Cameron Mitchell? CHECK. A killer in a ski mask is cracking open his toolbox and using the contents therein to murder women in an apartment complex. There’s some nonsense about religious mania, and the cops seem weirdly willing to let the local teens solve the murders themselves. Outside that, this is mostly an excuse for blood, boobs, and biblical babbling. Can’t recommend it highly enough, is what I’m saying.

 

Nasty Rating: 8/10 handyman maniacs “Blue-collar Nasty” Don’t miss this one.

 

 

 

4) Nightmares in a Damaged Brain (1981) dir. Romano Scavolini

 

            Tom Savini did the gore effects for this, and then proceeded to deny it for the next forty years. Scuzzy, sleazy, lemon-squeezy… this slice ‘n’ dice extravaganza doesn’t have much of a plot outside a lunatic escaping from the hospital and slaughtering people doing the nasty on his way to find his family in Florida. So… the original “Florida Man” story. Truth be told, you’ll need a shower after this. So grab your Old Spice shower gel and sparkly loofah, and go to town; because if you like your horror positively slathered in blood and weird sex, this is for you, you filthy animal.

 

Nasty Rating: 10/10 decapitated step-mothers “Nasty-licious” If anything should qualify as a video nasty, it’s this movie.

 

 

 

3) Dead & Buried (1981) dir. Gary Sherman

 

            Here’s one that manages to be both jarring, spooky, and legitimately excellent. Written by Dan O’Bannon of Alien (1979) fame, it centers on the quaint seaside town of Potter’s Bluff. Here, the locals like to murder passersby who then turn up alive and well, having joined the homicidal mob. It’s honestly so good, I don’t really want to spoil anything. Just know that the kills are not of the typical “single stab with a knife” variety and are kinda wince-inducing. Also, the atmosphere is par excellence.

 

Nasty Rating: 7/10 skin grafts “Sorta Nasty, more spooky” An essential horror film, but not quite the nastiest.

 

 

 

2) Don’t Go in the House (1979) dir. Joseph Ellison

 

            Taxi Driver (1976) but make Robert De Niro a serial killer who torches women to death with a flamethrower. That’s all this is. And yet, it’s brilliant. Dan Grimaldi is better known for his roles in The Sopranos, but here he turns in an excellent performance as an even-more-fucked-up Norman Bates who descends into madness after the death of his sadistic mother. Tackling themes such as child abuse and isolation, this is about as nasty as it gets. Unlike other champs on this list though, it’s both nasty and a great flick.

 

Nasty Rating: 9/10 incinerated blondes “Flaming Nasty” Highly recommended for those with strong stomachs or pyromania

 

 

 

1) Night of the Demon (1980) dir. James C. Wasson

 

            The ultimate bigfoot movie. The opening scene features a fisherman getting his arm ripped out if its socket wookie-style and the spurting blood filling a sasquatch footprint before the main title jumps onscreen. After that we get inter-species copulation, religious insanity, and a biker getting his dick ripped off while he attempts to take a leak. The level of nasty lunacy here is impossible to do justice in a blog post. Not scary. Not traditionally “good”. But nonetheless, it is an undeniably fun and gooey time.

 

Nasty Rating: 8/10 baby bigfoot skulls “Big, hairy Nasty” See it.